"There’s a difference between friends
and people you talk to at work. You know that, right?”
I will never forget those words...Ady told me once too often...but it taught me an important lesson about colleagues vs. friends...it’s easy to mistake one for the other, especially given the fact that you spend more time with colleagues...like minimum of 8 hours a day and that make is 40 hours a week...in school, making friends is as simple as walking over to the class next door and borrowing a textbook...after study years, however, there are no such opportunities because you might be too busy to go out and meet new people, the tendency is to target your coworkers...it makes sense...after all, they might be the only people you know that are your age or within the same generation, and you see them for eight hours every day...sometimes maybe more depending how much time you spend at work...
While many people use work as a springboard for building strong friendships outside the office, I wouldn’t assume your colleagues are your new best friends just because you take your coffee breaks together...Ady was right—there are differences between friends who will be there for you through life’s tough times and people you hang out with while you happen to be stuck in the same building...you can spare yourself disappointment later on by noting the differences between colleagues and real friends...here are some questions to ask yourself:
• If your colleague left the company or the same building you happened to work with, would you still be in touch with your colleague in a year?
I will never forget those words...Ady told me once too often...but it taught me an important lesson about colleagues vs. friends...it’s easy to mistake one for the other, especially given the fact that you spend more time with colleagues...like minimum of 8 hours a day and that make is 40 hours a week...in school, making friends is as simple as walking over to the class next door and borrowing a textbook...after study years, however, there are no such opportunities because you might be too busy to go out and meet new people, the tendency is to target your coworkers...it makes sense...after all, they might be the only people you know that are your age or within the same generation, and you see them for eight hours every day...sometimes maybe more depending how much time you spend at work...
While many people use work as a springboard for building strong friendships outside the office, I wouldn’t assume your colleagues are your new best friends just because you take your coffee breaks together...Ady was right—there are differences between friends who will be there for you through life’s tough times and people you hang out with while you happen to be stuck in the same building...you can spare yourself disappointment later on by noting the differences between colleagues and real friends...here are some questions to ask yourself:
• If your colleague left the company or the same building you happened to work with, would you still be in touch with your colleague in a year?
• If you had a personal emergency, would you consider asking your colleagues for help?
• Do you hang out with your colleagues outside the office? (Weekday lunch, happy hour, and business trips don’t count.)
• Have you met your colleagues' significant other? What about your colleagues' friends outside the office?
• If your colleague received the promotion and praises, would you be genuinely happy for your colleague?
• If you ran into your colleagues in the grocery store, would you be able to talk for 10 minutes without mentioning work?
• Have you seen where your colleague lives?
• Do you and your colleague have anything in common besides your age and your job?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, you might have found yourself a real friend at work...take care of this relationship by making a concerted effort to spend time with your colleague outside the office...you and your colleague should also avoid working together too closely...its like the same principle of not living with close friends, being in business with them can sometimes be disastrous...whether we like it or not, people can behave differently when money, power, and careers are at stake...suppose you and your colleague pair up for a high-profile work project...your colleague could be the kindest, most generous person in the world after quitting time, but your colleague might take all the credit and do none of the work...you don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you must choose between your friendship and your career...
If you’re lucky enough, someone you meet at work could turn into a friend for life...it happened to me...when i first came to Kuala Lumpur, i don't know that many people...my colleagues were the ones i hang out with after office hour...now i am already working in a different field and still keep in touch with all of them (thanks to social media) and attended my wedding few months ago...same goes to the ones that i met in my old office...we went out and have dinner from time to time...talk nonsense about anything and everything without mentioning work...also not to be forgotten...those who are in the same service as i am...we had been through thick and thin over the years...from then we kinda figure out who are our colleagues and who are the real friends...to top it all, i was the best man to three of my colleagues turn real friends, during their wedding...
How about my office now...well...that goes back to what Ady had warned me since i first started the working life in 2006...differentiate between colleagues and friends...then i will be able to draw the thin line and have better days ahead...i still take his advice seriously...because it is true...when it comes to career, money and power...people can just be an angel to you and turn into a cunning fallen angels when you are out of the radius...i guess that all of us have the same feeling...if only the blades are visible, we will be surprised to see how bad our backs turn out to be from the excessive bleeding...hahaha...whatever it is...i count myself lucky to have real friends around me...may this friendship last forever...
A.W.
