Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Fear Of Rejection

This is just me...i can't really focus on my work currently...i am sitting at the table thinking of what had just happened...then i realise that i haven't outgrow my fear of rejection....

It was not exactly a rejection...but somehow the person wanted an 'open relationship'...i had heard of this term before...it meant that you are a couple, but you are not exactly a couple...it is more like a relationship that doesnt have any motive...other than the motive just to say that you are attached...but are free to meet others...

Maybe it is my age or maybe i just think that i had it...what i want was just as conventional as any other relationship...to have steady relationship with the possibility of heading towards one direction...but she is not ready to think about it yet...and i just don't want to wait and just let the time pass by knowing that i can be left at any possible second....i just don't want that kind of attachment...and i think i have to cut it loose before i went a bit deeper...

And i choose to be free...but it still hurts to think about it...maybe i was expecting too much...it is me wanting to be able to think about the future with a certain conviction...not waking up every morning thinking that she would meet someone better...now i know what Summer felt about the guy in 500 Days Of Summer...she said that she was never sure of the guy...and that's why she left him...and me now in Summer's shoe...if this is what she choose to be, i don't want to risk it...the anxious feeling of un-sureness....i would love to wake up each morning knowing that someone out there do want me to be a part of her future...

So be it...we'll just move on...and go on our separate ways...maybe god said that we are just not meant for each other...

ajie
4:05 p.m
22 December 2009
Putrajaya

9 comments:

Jaja Yunizah said...

apakah yang dah terjadi?? baru je happy mode hari tu.....mmmmm

muhamadakmalwahab said...

it doesnt work out...
both of us want different thing...
better cut it loose...

Jaja Yunizah said...

mmmm,takpe la chenta tak leh dipaksa...kan byk lg offer kat luar tu. aku offer jg la eheheh ~lol

marmalade said...

wanna talk about it over lunch? =)my 2 cents may be of beneficial to you.

Ara Izat said...

hmmm....dear babe,

i started off with an 'open relationship' too, we used that term because i/he wasn't sure about us. where this is going, is he a good candidate, is he the one, blablabla. hehe. but u know wut? during the time we had that 'open' thingy, i got to know him better, and he me. and we somehow became, 'ok, you're mine, act like you are, if you have other girls/guys, i'll kick your ass so hard you wish you just die' thingy. insyaallah we are planning to get married nx yr. =)

i just think you need to know the person first and if he/she is the one you feel like having a future with, and he/she feels the same, then fight for it.

for that you have to try la kan? have to be brave and face the fear. take care!

muhamadakmalwahab said...

jaja : hehehehe

mala : can raincheck to tomorrow also...

ara : thanks for your insight...it sure did kinda make me think about it...it is just that, this girl i had known since 2003...and after usm we were separated but we met again last year...aku bukan berani sangat...so aku tunggu la lama skit baru la aku cakap dekat dia...itu pun dengan bersusah payah aku fikir baru aku rasa nak try gak...just push my luck...hurmmm...i dont know...i just have to think it through...but seriously your comment does made me think a lil bit..

zetty said...

maybe it's for the best. daripada waste each others time. if you're both not committed to each other than why waste each others time?

Khairul Amri Ishak said...

mamal:

sokong je.
mmg payah bile situasi ko ni.
better cut off
better now or never...hehe

Pengejar Masa said...

enjoy your bachelorhood.