Monday, April 5, 2010

Unchangeable

I do dream of studying all the way to PhD level...but seems like its not going to happen...

Not going to happen the way i thought it can happen that is...one of the main reason i enter the service was because of the study-plan...after a few years of service, you can apply for the scholarship...but then again, i always missed out the fine prints...now i felt stupid...or even felt i made a mistake...but seems like there's nothing i can do to change it now...

When i was working in the private sector, i do put aside some sums as for my planned-study-allocation...not much...but i was thinking that three years down the road i would be able to applied for masters and pay the tution fees...part time masters that is...then, i should blame it on myself when i was indeed intriqued by the lure of scholarship programmes that you can apply when you enter the service...the only thing that i missed out was the requirement...so, i applied to get into the service and alhamdulillah, i got into the service at one shot...

The money that i had painstakingly saved up for the tution fees was used to help out my lil bro and sis studies as well as some other things that i don't think worth mentioning...fyne...so the money was used up...i have no more study funds...and after almost three years in the service do i know that i would never be eligible to apply for the scholarship...

Was browsing thru the requirements when my friend is thinking of applying for it...at least three years in the service~okay, getting there...and several others...okay~almost there...but i came to a dead stop at one simple requirement...CGPA 3.0 and above...now i am dumbstruck...seems like i am stuck at that particular requirement...yeah i do get a GPA of 3.0 above for several semester...but the there was this one semester that had put me downhill which pulled down my overall CGPA to below 3.0...

Now i felt a lil bit dumb...why i havent bothered to read the fine prints (the requirements actually)...it seems like that it is not open to all in the service...now i am back in square one...the only option that i have is to save up by myself and paid the tution fees myself...have restart all over again...except for one fact that, i used to have a lil bit higher income...but now i have to re-adjust to make do with what i have...all in the name of furthering my masters...

Then i can't help by thinking, back then in the year 2007, i was offered another job...concurrent with this job...it was in a factory...in a private sector...with higher paycheck and also i have to be based in certain country for several months for training...but then again, i choose this job...among the main reason was because of the reason stated above...do i regret my decision? i believe in there's no use of feeling regret over something that you have done...coz it won't change anything...no, i don't regret with my own choice...but feel a lil bit dampen though...i should have check...and i can't help thinking...that maybe by now i have enough money to further my masters if i choose the other...but then again...no use of regret...just have to adopt and adapt...

Now, i am adapting to this acknowledgement that i would never qualify to apply...so it is up to me to save up and fork up my own single cents just to realise one of the things i had wrote down as things i have to do in my life...it doesn't feel great when you know that you had made one bad call that can cost you your entire plan...but at least, i do know it now...and i can start to plan on it...coz there's no use on looking bad on the past...as the past is unchangeable...

ajie
5:03 p.m
5 April 2010
Putrajaya



14 comments:

papaYA said...

Tak semestinya Akmal. Batchmate bos aku ade yang dapat below 3.0 dan masih boleh sambung study. Masih boleh berusaha untuk impress panel mase interview dengan kebolehan anda. Jadi jangan give up. Tak dapat buat luar negara, dalam negara pun alhamdulillah. InshaAllah

muhamadakmalwahab said...

rezeki dia la kot...tapi dalam borang tu terus dia tulis fine prints (now i do read the fine prints)...permohonan yang tak menepati syarat tidak akan diproses...aku tak kisah buat memana pon...dulu pun waktu aku kumpul duit i have no intention of going abroad...dalam negara ajer...tapi itu ler...aku cam just realise that i had been hoping on false hope...takper lah...aku rasa baik aku simpan duit ajer...

Hasina Terebuzzu said...

yaya, mmg aku ada dgr keluar circular baru la.. at least 3.0 .. ada dak batch 2005 try apply master tak ble pasal tak ckup 3.0.. huhu.... aku ckup2 makan je 3.0...

Cikgu ILi said...

Betul la Akmal....aku pun plan nak amik master tapi aku tak sampai 3 pun sebab dulu malas belajar.
Tapi...lecturer maktab aku cakap...kalau ada sokongan..mungkin bleh dapat...

muhamadakmalwahab said...

ina : takperlah...kalau the organisation not willing to sponsor...aku simpan la duit sendiri nak sambung blaja...

cikgu ili : ntah la...rezeki la...tapi aku dah tak berharap dah sekarang...better as well aku berpijak di bumi nyata...

papaYA said...

Circular baru eh?
Camtu, abg pjg aku pun takleh lar nak apply.. Kene mula save duit untuk sambung belajar pula >_<

Hasina Terebuzzu said...

itu la.. aku pon tak berapa tau sgt neh.. tp last wik batch 2005 kt opis aku ni kecoh kata takble dpt HLP.. kna at least 3.0... aku time tu.. gulp! berapa pointer aku ek?? last2 bari hengat.. aku ckup2 makan je.. huhu... dh la circular tu kua spls ada sorg kpsu kt opis ni (pointer dia 2.3 tak silap aku) dpt HLP ke obersi.. huhu...

muhamadakmalwahab said...

yaya : kalau ko dapat 3.0 above...boleh mintak HLP gi obesi..then abang panjang ko boleh amik spouse program...maksudnya tumpang ko skali amik masters...cuma tak silap aku dia akan potong terus elaun tak silap aku...sebab bayar spouse ko punya tution fees...

ina : aku tak kisah blaja obesi ker in the sea ker...aku just nak sambung balaja...one of the main reason aku masuk this organisation is becoz of this la..kalau dah jadi camni, aku memang rasa kecewa ya amat la...seriously better la aku dulu kerja kat kilang, gaji lagi banyak, duit simpan sendiri then sambung blaja bayar sendiri...ni cam holding on harapan palsu...seriously, aku memang dah de-motivated dah...lepas nie aku dah tak peduli dah appraisal aku camna...no need to be outstanding or perform well since there's no elusive deal that can motivate to do that...aku just nak kerja dapat duit gaji bulan2 dah...setel...maleh dah nak pikir benda nie lagi dah...i already rest my case with H*LP...

papaYA said...

Belajar luar negara tu, tak kot. Orang tua kami semakin elderly, jadi mahu menjenguk mereka sekerap mungkin.

Kerja kat mane2 pun ade baik dan buruk. Pilihan ko yang satu lagi tu mungkin nampak baik pada mata ko sekarang dari segi gaji, siapa tau keburukan ape yang ade di sana bila bekerja.
Kawan aku yang kerje Petronas pun dah ushar2 nak masuk Govt. Tak sanggup tu pregnant2 pun kene balik malam tiap hari, tengah2 rest dengan family sabtu Ahad kene panggil ke pejabat. Apelah duit sekiranya takde kehidupan normal.

Bagi aku, rezeki tu datang dari pelbagai bentuk. Rezeki yang nikmat tak terhingga ialah sihat tubuh badan dan ketenangan jiwa bukannya wang ringgit. So, jangan sedih2 k

muhamadakmalwahab said...

yaya :
memang ada banyak offsets bila kerja dengan swasta...thats why they pay more...

betul la cakap ko...rezeki mai dalam pelbagai bentuk...and memandangkan keadaan dah jadi camni...aku rasa aku nak lupakan ajer hasrat aku sambung belajar...tengok la camna nanti...

Hasina Terebuzzu said...

mal..circular akan sentiasa berubah...jgn cpt gv up... mungkin ada cara lain.. cuma kita je yg tak tau... jgn la mcmni.. tarak siyok la...

marmalade said...

yaya, please tell your friend that her/his concept of working in the government is obviously blind-sided. frankly speaking, aku kurang gemar bila orang cakap keje gomen nih senang and boleh balik early and stuff. the mindset kena tukar. government skang dengan dulu lain. now it is more demanding. tpt aku ada officer yang pregnant buat laporan ekonomi - setiap malam balik lewat, weekend kerja tapi aku tengok dia rilek je. resilient gile. mmg respect.

aku tak suka orang pilih gomen sebagai pilihan kedua just because they think it is easy because it is not. macam pilih kerjaya cikgu sebab tak dapat kerja lain.

berbalik kepada persoalan akmal dan menyambung belajar. for me, ini soal rezeki. i think you should focus on what you really want lah akmal. kahwin ke, sambung belajar ke. jangan come up dengan mcm2 polisi lepas tuh implementation wise hampeh (pergh, i really look at everything from an eagle's point of view now! hahahaha).

i dulu govt scholar kat uk, so kitaorang takde cgpa. kalau second upper class tuh, kira above 3.0 ke? entahlah. but i know people at my division semua mcm senang nak sambung belajar. ramai dah yang tengah buat masters now.

Jaja Yunizah said...

alamak....erk, nmpaknya aku pun xlayak jg lah nak apply ni. nyesal duk asyik berkoya-koya masa U dlu. spe lah maybe ada channel lain kot....~(crossed my finger)

muhamadakmalwahab said...

ina : yup...hope for that...

mala : i have a list of what i want to do in life...nanti i'll just write up about it...its like, there's no specific time-frame...just about 17 things that i want to do...which has been in my wants to do list since forever lah...hehehe...one of the main reason i enter the govt service was becoz of the further-studies-thingie...one of the main...as for marriage...i want to get married...but i just leave it to god...as jodoh memang ketentuan tuhan...as for studies...my friends since i was in high-school knows that i really want to study all the way to PhD...so i have made up my mind about things that i want to do...but the planning needs to be altered la from time to time...for instance this la...dah tau tak mungkin layak...terpaksa la kumpul duit sendiri balik...itu jer...but to tell you the truth...i do know what i want to do in my life...there's 17 of it...and everything is very general which i had wrote down when i was 17...no specific time-frame...just the main ideas...

jaja : aku tumpang bersedih juga...jom la bayar sendiri blaja part time kat Uitm...nanti boleh aku tumpang keta ko...hahahaha